Countdown
by livlife
Summary: Bobby contemplates some things as the mansion is about to self-destruct. Oneshot


_Winner of my poll. Prompt: Bobby, countdown. Duh._

* * *

_10..._

I've always wondered what it felt like to know that your life was about end. What would your last thoughts be? Do you make some big revelation about what the purpose of your life was? Would it even matter? As it turns out, no. For a while you're just too panicked to do anything but scream and act on pure instinct. Wolverine says trusting your gut can save you in the worst situations. Not this time. I've done all I know how to do, and it wasn't enough.

_9..._

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Sam, his eyebrows scrunched together with worry, tries to give me comfort. Or, maybe he is looking for comfort in me. It's a comfort I can't give. Our eyes meet. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm saying goodbye. He's a good friend. I look back at the others. Ray is tensed, electricity sparking at his fingers. He's trying to act tough, but I can see the fear in his eyes, and by the way he looks at me, I think he knows it. Rahne has her hands clasped together in silent prayer. I find I'm following her lead. Roberto stands there, hovering, as if he doesn't know what to do. I can understand that feeling - helplessness. Jubes has her hands pressed over her mouth, trying to suppress tears. Jamie, strangely enough, seems the most composed. He stares steadily at the countdown on the screen like a war hardened veteran.

_8..._

I think about my parents. If I died, would they miss me? I think of the people who taught me to tie my shoes and ride a bike, who comforted me when my hamster died, who celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah with me and never yelled at me when I came home with a failed math test. Those people, I knew, would miss me. But what about the horrified, disgusted people who just found out their son was a freak. Them, I wasn't so sure about. They never did like having a mutant for a son. Especially when I started to enjoy it.

_7..._

Suddenly, Jamie steps up and in a tone of voice I have never heard him use before, tells me - no, _commands_ me to try again. The authority he gives off strikes me as out of character, and I have to look at him to remember that he's just a kid, looking up at me with pleading eyes. Despite myself, I turn back to the keyboard even though I know the outcome will be the same, no matter how hard I try. My friends swarm around me, surrounding me in a protective cocoon of bodies. Though their expressions are grim, this gives me some semblance of comfort_._

_6..._

My last attempt at shutting off the countdown to our inevitable deaths fails. At that moment, looking at all those trusting eyes and bleak expressions, it hits me that they had actually trusted me to get them out safe. A void opens in the pit of my stomach, and I feel as if I've let them all down. I search for something to say, but there are no words to describe the moment, no reassurances I can give. I swear I can hear a click as something snaps. Rays facade crumbles and suddenly he panics, meaning to fry the computer in a false hope that it would stop the inevitable. I almost let him do it, it's not like it would make a difference now anyway_._

_5..._

Then - I've never been so relieved to hear Scotts voice, and I doubt I ever will be. I look at him like he's Christ come to deliver us. He might as well be. Cyclops shoves through us to get to the computer. Amara and Tabby trail at his heels. Like a general he gives us his orders, and like the desperate refugees we are, we take them happily. As we race through the winding corridors of the mansions underground maze, I take responsibility for everyone's safety. It's the least I can do after I let them down.

_4..._

We're in Cerebro, the most heavily protected room in the mansion. We are like highly trained marines, taking our positions without question, following orders to the dot. Even as I feel the earth shake around me, I somehow have faith that Scott will save us. Jubilee is next to me, clinging to my side. As we all huddle together at the base of the Cerebro platform, I lean over her, going Iceman to protect her from the debris falling from the ceiling.

_3..._

A flash of light and searing heat blows us all back. In a second, it's over. I look up to see everyone, ragged, tired, and a little burnt around the edges, but safe. For a second, I let relief wash over me. Then it hits me- it's gone. I stare in disbelief at the evening sky through the gaping hole where the ceiling used to be. This glorious place, where people from all walks of life you can imagine come together, is gone. I feel somehow responsible.

_2..._

Again, I look around, but now I feel like I'm seeing these people in a new light. Scott, our leader resolute. I know he lost his parents a long time ago, and just recently found his brother. Sam, my best friend and voice of reason. Rahne, so solid in her faith even when the world crumbles around her. Roberto. He can be annoying, but he's stronger than he knows, and in more ways than one. Tabitha, our beloved rebel who stands with us when we need her most. Amara, once so uncertain of her mutation and herself, and has power beyond belief. Ray, who acts so tough and strong to cover up a past that is worse than he admits. Jubilee, my cohort in mischief who finds the will to be funny even after her parents were killed. And Jamie. He's just a kid, but is more composed in the face of danger than any of us.

_1..._

Then there's me. The self proclaimed leader of the 'New Recruits'; I who nearly got us all killed a few minutes ago. Me, Bobby Drake.

Some leader I am.

…_0_

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_Wrote this to ease the writers block. Hopefully I can get back to writing Bloodhound now. ~livlife_


End file.
